We were watching TV
April 12th 2006
We were watching TV.
“Ant and Dec can’t hear you when you call them untalented little wankers, you know,” said The Trouble.
“It wouldn’t make any difference if they could,” I replied. “They’d still be on again next week, proving once again that they are by far the best argument yet for bringing back hanging.”
“I don’t understand you. If you don’t like what’s on the television why don’t you just do something else instead of talking to it?”
“I like talking to the television.”
And I do. It’s become a hobby.
Television: “And now it’s time for EastEnders.”
Me: “Oh no it isn’t.” ZAP!
Television: Now we’re going over Wimbledon for the Tim Henman match.”
Me: “Oh no we’re not!” ZAP!
Television: “Now it’s time to join Davina McCall for the latest news from the Big Brother house.”
Me: “Oh no it fucking isn’t!” ZAP”
Television: “And now Cat Deeley Presents….”
ZAP!
Television: “Graham Norton…”
ZAP!!
The Trouble persisted. “It can’t answer back, you know,”
“That doesn’t in any way diminish the pleasure I get from talking to it. Just the opposite. The fact that it can’t answer back makes it all the more pleasurable. It’s about the only thing that doesn’t answer back nowadays; kids, shop assistants, wives….”
“Oh so wives aren’t allowed to answer back now…….?
I point the remote at her. “Zap!”
I’ll have to pay for it of course.
The thing that gets my goat is when they say “you’re watching the BBC One“, or ITV or whatever.
I always shout back, “don’t try and tell me what I’m watching. You don’t know. Mind your own fucking business. Just tell me what your broadcasting so I can switch channels to something else.“. The wife doesn’t understand what all the fuss is about.
Comment by Tony Allwright — April 19, 2006 @ 3:50 pm
Blood Glucose Levels…
[…]why diabetics need to maintain glucose levels[…]…
Trackback by Free Blood Sugar Meters — May 6, 2011 @ 9:11 pm
eBooks…
[…]the newest format for digital reading[…]…
Trackback by eBook Libraries — May 9, 2011 @ 5:38 pm
Dark Under Eyes…
[…]for the finest information regarding hydrolyze[…]…
Trackback by Dark Under Eyes — May 17, 2011 @ 9:10 pm
Romance eBooks…
[…]love, passion and romance eBooks are becoming[…]…
Trackback by eBook Library — May 18, 2011 @ 12:09 pm
What Is Glucose…
[…]and why it’s important to monitor it[…]…
Trackback by Glucose Monitor — May 18, 2011 @ 3:12 pm
Dark Under Eye…
[…]Hydrolyze has been know to cure even the most stubborn[…]…
Trackback by Black Under Eye — May 18, 2011 @ 9:24 pm
Fiction eBooks…
[…]the fiction genre is moving towards eBook formats[…]…
Trackback by eBook Library — May 30, 2011 @ 12:20 am
Monitoring Glucose Levels…
[…]free tools for diabetics in the USA[…]…
Trackback by Free Glucose Monitor — May 30, 2011 @ 1:25 am
Cool sites…
[… ]we came across a cool site could enjoy. Take a look if you ever want[… ]……
Trackback by simvastatin side effects — August 21, 2011 @ 10:46 pm