May 23rd 2006
Whilst wondering what, if anything, I could realistically do about the problem with the Pollitt’s dog until such time as the Environmental Health people get off their arses and sort it out I happened to recall how my dad had once dealt with a similar situation, when I was a boy.
At the time my dad, from whom I inherited my sense of fun as well as my nickname, was working the 10 till 6 nights stint of a three shift system, and slept during the day. That is he would have slept during the day if next-door’s dog Jock hadn’t chosen, on occasions, to bark for most of the day. Dad had tried sleeping tablets with only limited success – it would have taken more than sleeping pills to render him immune from Jock’s worst excesses, maybe several blows to the head with a lump hammer – so decided to try them on the dog to see if that avenue would be more successful than when taking them himself.
As I remember it my dad crushed up six of the sleeping pills and mixed them with a couple of ounces of minced beef, rolled it up into a ball and tossed it over the garden fence. Â Very soon the barking had stopped, after becoming progressively half-hearted for ten minutes or so and ending with a feeble, plaintive howl.
Jock not only slept all day but all the next day as well. On the second day his owners became so worried about their pooch they took him to the vet who pronounced, so we learned later, that ‘it must have eaten something’. Jock subsequently ate the something it must have eaten several more times, in fact every time it insisted on barking when my dad was on nights. Even when it had finally come round it was dopey all day, and I will never forget the sight of it dragging itself up our road (dogs were let out on their own much more in those days), bloodshot eyed, managing to keep itself from falling over only by leaning on the wooden fence that bordered our row. After every two houses there was a gate in the fence and if it was open or not properly closed Jock duly fell through the opening and had to pick himself up before continuing his journey home. Hilarious.
If You Twat persists with the barking and howling he is definitely going to get the same treatment.
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Razzamatazz
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
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Every time I read a new post here I nearly have an accident. You are dangerous!
I think You Twat is about to get his come uppance!