Countdown

June 1st 2006

I see that toerag Ron Atkinson is in Dictionary corner on Countdown this week.

THE COUNTDOWN STUDIO. THE URBANE DES LYNAM AND THE UBIQUITOUS CAROL VORDERMAN ARE IN THEIR USUAL PLACES, ALONG WITH RON ATKINSON.

DES: And now for a little light diversion from the normal Countdown fare. A special game show for our special guest for the week, Ron Atkinson.

Consonant please, Carol.

CAROL: N.

DES: Consonant.

CAROL: G.

DES: Another consonant.

CAROL: R.

DES: Vowel.

CAROL: I.

DES: I’ll try another vowel please.

CAROL: And that one is E.

DES: And a final consonant.

CAROL: And we complete the word with another G. So that’s NGRIEG.

RON: That’s only seven letters.

DES: Six actually Ron. Now all you have to do is arrange them into a well-known word – at least well-known to you. And it isn’t Ginger. And your time starts…..now!

RON: Er…Greign? Is there such a word as Greign?

DES: No.

RON: Ignerg?

DES: No. I’ll give you a clue, Ron. It starts with an N.

RON: Nergig?

DES: No. It starts N I G.

RON: Nigreg?

DES: No.

RON: No? Sorry then, no idea, so it ooks like its early doors for me then.

CAROL: Oh I’m sure you can get it if you try, Ron.

DES: It starts N I G G E. You’ve only got one letter to put in.

RON: Sorry. No idea.

DES: Say the word, Ron.

RON: No.

CAROL: Say it Ron.

RON: Look fellas I’ve only just managed to worm my way back onto mainstream television, give me a fucking break will….give me a flipping break will you.

DES: Say it Ron.

RON: No.

CAROL: Say it – and I promise not to appear on any other television programmes apart from Countdown ever again.

RON: Not even for that.

DES: Say it Ron, or we won’t ever invite you back.

RON: Er……er ……Ashley Cole.

DES: What?

RON: Well he’s a nigger, isn’t he……shit!

4 Comments

  1. Absolute top quality Terry.

    Comment by Ian — June 1, 2006 @ 3:11 pm

  2. even with one letter left, you just know that he would struggle to make ANY word. the knukle dragging neaderthal!

    Comment by fatfiz — June 2, 2006 @ 12:21 am

  3. Big Car Small Dick, Big Ron Small Brain. It’s a grand design.

    Comment by Four Dinners — June 2, 2006 @ 2:56 pm

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