Walking The Dog
June 9th 2006
“Can I take your dog for a walk?”
Liz Pollitt looked me up and down. “What you say?”
“I’d like to take You Twat….your dog for a walk, if that’s possible?”
“Are you fuckin’ mental or somefink?”
“Look I really would like to take your dog out for a walk.”
“An’ I’d like to be Liz ‘urley, so fuck off.”
I gritted my teeth. This was proving to be harder than I’d expected. “Please? Please let me take your dog for a walk.”
“Why?”
“In the hope that it will stop barking.”
“It’s not barkin’.”
“Not at the moment, no, but when you and your family are out of the house it does nothing else. Except for when it’s howling. I think if it’s taken for a regular walk it won’t bark and howl so much.”
“The twat can bark an ‘owl all it wants for all I care. S’ free country innit.”
I was getting nowhere fast. An incentive was called for. “I’m willing to pay of course.”
“Pay?”
“A fiver.”
She looked me up and down, as suspicious as a milk bill. “Why would a geezah pay somebody to take their dog for a walk?”
I feigned surprise. “Well for the sheer pleasure of it of course. Surely you’ve heard of a dog walking service? Whereby people pay dog owners to take their dog for a walk?
Her brow creased as her underemployed brain wrestled with this concept. “I fought it was like the dog owners what paid to ‘ave their dogs walked?”
“No, it’s the other way round.”
She didn’t need any more persuading. “Five pahnds you said?”
I took out my wallet. “You’d better introduce us.”
You Twat started barking as soon as he saw me but I’m not bad with dogs and I soon made friends with him; or perhaps he quietened down because he was fearful I’d slip him another spiked meatball.
“Right, I’ll take him out tomorrow morning when you’re all out. Where’s his lead?”
“It hasn’t got one.” She thought for a moment. “I can problee find a lengf of rope somewhere.”
You Twat on the end of a lengf of rope might prove to be too tempting and we might never make it out of the back garden, so I declined. “No problem,” I said. “I’ll buy him one.”
they really are as thick as they sound! nitters.
Comment by fatfiz — June 9, 2006 @ 3:02 pm
Yer see that big red bus? No? Oh dear…neither did You Twat….pure accident of course
Comment by Four Dinners — June 10, 2006 @ 1:08 pm
Duly noted Four Dinners but I would prefer something a bit less messy if possible.
Comment by Razzamatazz — June 11, 2006 @ 3:05 am
Glucose Monitor…
[…]Blood Glucose Levels are important to monitor regularly[…]…
Trackback by Free Blood Sugar Meters — May 6, 2011 @ 5:31 pm
Nook eBook Reader…
[…]the Nook is a great device for those interested[…]…
Trackback by eBook Library — May 9, 2011 @ 4:19 pm
Dark Under Eye User Testimonials…
[…]my husband can’t stop complementing me[…]…
Trackback by Skin Care — May 9, 2011 @ 8:00 pm
Free Glucose Meters…
[…]keeping diabetes in check from step one[…]…
Trackback by Free Glucose Monitors — May 11, 2011 @ 6:59 pm
Face Wrinkles…
[…]smoothed out with hydroxatone’s patented formula[…]…
Trackback by Dark Lines Under Eyes — May 17, 2011 @ 8:38 pm
Kindle eBook Reader…
[…]the Amazon Kindle is one of the leading ereaders[…]…
Trackback by eBook Library — May 18, 2011 @ 12:17 pm
Eye Wrinkles…
[…]may be unavoidable but are easily concealed[…]…
Trackback by Black Under Eye — May 18, 2011 @ 9:41 pm
Dark Under Eye Circles…
[…]are easily fixed with dark under eye[…]…
Trackback by Dark Under Eyes — May 29, 2011 @ 10:38 pm
Augen lasern ein Wunder der Technik einfach erklärt…
Bekommen Sie mehr Angaben zum Thema Augen lasern lassen. Unsre Netzseite informiert über die Thematik….
Trackback by Augen Lasern lassen — July 28, 2011 @ 6:29 am
Gems from the internet…
[… ]very few websites that happen to be detailed below, from our mindset are undoubtedly well really worth checking out[… ]……
Trackback by simvastatin side effects — August 21, 2011 @ 4:13 pm
Improve your vision naturally!…
Thanks. Left you a trackback to help your readers improve eye vision naturally….
Trackback by eye exercises to improve vision — August 21, 2011 @ 8:17 pm
Get your online degree!…
Left you a trackback for your readers to help them get an online degree….
Trackback by online degree — August 31, 2011 @ 12:27 pm
abraded…
What made you think about such a topic. Its funny I am not the only one that feels that way about it. Keep it up!. Great articles & Nice a site. tremendous awesome more please….
Trackback by Enoch Carol — September 9, 2011 @ 11:40 pm