Flog It

11th February 2007

I took the piece of Troika pottery out of the Tesco shopping bag I’d brought it in and passed it over to my favourite Flog It presenter Adam Partridge.
“Ah. Another example of our old friend Troika,” he said.
“Right.”
“Don’t tell me.

You bought it for a few pounds in the seventies while you were on holiday in Cornwall?”
“Right again,” I smiled.
“And now you’ve brought it along to Flog It to cash in on it.”
“Right a third time.”
I wondered what the little vase that I’d paid just four pounds for all those years ago was now worth as Adam expertly gave it the once over. He now looked from the Troika vase to me and said: “It’s worth fuck all.”
No he didn’t. That was me running the worse case scenario through my mind as I sat waiting in the Pavilion Gardens, Buxton, this afternoon. Flog It had come to town and I, along with several other people, had bought along our valuable antiques to be valued, and possibly featured on the show at a later date.
In the early seventies The Trouble and I had a holiday in Cornwall and while we were there we bought three items of Troika, a type of pottery quite inexpensive then, but which has increased greatly in value over the past few years and is now highly sought after. Unfortunately The Trouble broke two of the items in the period between our buying them and us making a fortune with them – she says it was me who broke them, one on a night that I was drunk and one on a night when I wasn’t but acting as though I was, but then she would, wouldn’t she – so we were left with just the one piece, a nice-looking vase about twelve inches high.
In the event I wasn’t lucky enough to get Adam Partridge or another of my favourites, James Lewis – although both were in attendance – I got someone I’d never seen on the programme before, Robert something or other.
“So what have you brought along this afternoon,” said Robert, pleasantly.
I held up the Tesco shopping bag. “This Tesco bag,” I said.
“A Tesco bag?” he said, somewhat bemused.
“Now I suppose you’ll want to know how I came by it, how much I paid for it and how long I’ve had it. Well as far as I can remember I got it at Tesco, I paid exactly nothing for it, would you believe, and I’ve had it for about twelve months. I’ve been using it as a freezer bag to keep out lamb’s liver in.”
“A freezer bag?”
“Yes. It’s in perfect condition though, apart from a bit of staining, no doubt caused by the liver, so I’ve brought it along and I want to flog it.”
Robert looked at me as though I was quite mad. I looked back at him as though I was deadly serious. Then I cracked up. A moment later he joined my laughter.
He said the Troika vase should bring about a hundred and fifty pounds when it’s auctioned off at Matlock in a couple of weeks time. I threw in the Tescos bag  for nothing.

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