Month: February 2008

HJA 437 Scene 14

For new readers. Read the previous HJA 437 posts starting Feb 5 before reading this.

14.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S BEDROOM.   NIGHT.

GEOFF AND ROSE ARE IN BED. BOTH ARE LYING ON THEIR BACKS, GEOFF READING A CAR MAGAZINE WITH A PICTURE OF A ZEPHYR ZODIAC MARK 3 ON THE FRONT, ROSE CONTEMPLATING THE CEILING.

ROSE:

(RESIGNED TO IT) We never are going to go out in the car, are we.

GEOFF:

(LOOKS HER) What?

ROSE:

I beats me. Why did you buy a car if you never intended to go out in it?

GEOFF:

I intend to go out in it.

ROSE:

When?

GEOFF:

When I’ve got somewhere to go.

ROSE:

And when will that be?

GEOFF:

I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that?

ROSE:

Don’t I have a say in it?

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

What about if I want to go somewhere? Don’t I have a say in it?

GEOFF:

Well of course you have a say in it.

ROSE:

Right. We’ll go to Hayfield this Saturday. If I have a say in it.

GEOFF:

Right. (RETURNS TO HIS MAGAZINE)

ROSE:

No we won’t.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Well you’ll find an excuse, won’t you. Like you did last Sunday when you were going to take me to the Lake District.

GEOFF:

There was a severe weather warning for the Lake District on the radio. Blizzards.

ROSE:

Which only you seems to have heard.

GEOFF:
(IGNORES HER) What’s the point of having severe weather warnings on the radio if people don’t take any notice of them?

ROSE:

They didn’t have any blizzards in the Lake District because I looked in the paper the day after.

GEOFF:

They must have made a mistake. Weather forecasters aren’t perfect. There could have been severe weather, and then where would we have been?

ROSE:

Well not in the Lake District because you’d have heard they were going to have severe weather. Or the Black Death, or an earthquake, or a visit from King Kong or something.

GEOFF:

Now you’re talking daft.

A STRAINED SILENCE FOR A MOMENT.

ROSE:

I’d heard about men who have cars and only take them out of the garage every Sunday to polish and then put them back for a week. I never thought I’d end up married to one.

GEOFF:

You haven’t.

ROSE:

Somebody who’s bought a car just so they can look at it.

GEOFF:

I haven’t bought it just so I can look at it. There’s a certain pride of ownership, I admit, but…

ROSE:

Why did you buy it then? If you never intend to go out in it?

GEOFF:

I intend to go out in it.

ROSE:

You could have fooled me.

GEOFF:

Well I am.

ROSE:

When?

GEOFF:

When I’ve got somewhere to go.

ROSE:

Now we’re back to Miss Hay again.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Radio programme.

FX:   A LOUD BANGING ON THE FRONT DOOR.


ROSE:

What the…..?

BRIAN: (OOV

ROSE’S POV.  JANET’S HUSBAND BRIAN  IS AT THE DOOR.

ROSE:

Brian?

BRIAN:

It’s Janet, Rose. The baby’s coming!

ROSE:

Have you phoned for an ambulance?

BRIAN:

They can’t come yet. It could be half-an-hour. I don’t think she can wait half-an-hour Rose, she’s in agony.

GEOFF:

What’s the matter?

RESUME ON ROSE.  SHE QUICKLY COMES TO A DECISION. SHE TURNS TO GEOFF.

ROSE:

Get your trousers on.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE STARTS DRESSING.

ROSE:

Janet’s gone into labour. You’ll have to run her to the hospital.

GEOFF:

In the Zephyr Zodiac?

ROSE:

Yes in the Zephyr Zodiac.

GEOFF:

Can’t she go on the bus?

ROSE:

The bus? The bus stop’s about half a mile away. Anyway it’s too late for the bus.

GEOFF:

No there’s the all-night service. The number ninety four.  Every half…..

ROSE:

(CUTTING IN) She’s in labour Geoff, she could have the baby anytime. She doesn’t want to give birth on a bus.

GEOFF:

And I don’t want her giving birth in the Zephyr Zodiac. There’s the afterbirth….

ROSE:

(CUTTING IN) Fuck the Zephyr Zodiac! You’re running her to the hospital.

GEOFF:

I’ll take her as far as the bus stop.

ROSE:

You are taking her to the hospital!

BRIAN: (OOV)

(CALLS) Rose? Rose are you there?

ROSE:

(CALLS) Coming Brian. (TO GEOFF)

GEOFF HAS STILL MADE NO MOVE TO GET OUT OF BED.

ROSE:

(CONTINUING, TO GEOFF) Come on then, get a move on.

GEOFF:

(GETTING OUT OF BED VERY RELUCTANTLY) Well it hadn’t better be raining.

FADE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

         

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HJA 437 Scenes 11-13

For new readers. Read the previous HJA 437 posts starting Feb 5 before reading this.

11.   EXT.   OUTSIDE THE HORSEFIELD’S HOUSE.   DAY.


ROSE IS WAITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DRIVE. GARY EASES THE ZEPHYR ZODIAC OUT OF THE GARAGE, PULLS UP AT ROSE, LEANS OVER TO UNLOCK THE PASSENGER DOOR. ROSE GETS IN.

12.   INT.   CAR.   DAY.


ROSE SETTLES IN THE PASSENGER SEAT. WHEN GEOFF MAKES NO MOVE TO SET THE CAR IN MOTION SHE TURNS TO HIM.

ROSE:

Shall we be off then?

GEOFF:

(NOT ENTIRELY ENTHUSIASTIC) Where do you want to go then?

ROSE:

How about Hayfield?

GEOFF:

(NOT AT ALL KEEN) Hayfield?

ROSE:

There aren’t any monkeys there.

 

GEOFF:

There’s no need to be sarcastic, Rose. The last thing you want when you’ve polished your car is monkeys climbing all over it.

ROSE:

Well we’ll be all right then because there aren’t any monkeys at Hayfield. At least I don’t remember ever seeing any when we used to go there. One or two of the hikers were a bit ape-like but……We can maybe walk part way up Kinder Scout, like we used to. All right then?

GEOFF:

Well, I’d rather not if you don’t mind. The roads up there are a bit narrow for a Zephyr Zodiac.

ROSE:

Geoff we used to go on the bus. They drive buses on the roads in Hayfield so you can drive a car.

GEOFF:

Not on the road up to Kinder they don’t, it’s far too narrow.

ROSE:
We’ll leave the car in Hayfield then and walk. All right?

GEOFF:

Leave it?

ROSE:

Yes. In the Royal car park.

GEOFF:
What if it gets pinched?

ROSE:

Geoff it’s Hayfield where we’re going, not Moss Side or Collyhurst, they pinch sheep there not cars. All right?

GEOFF;

(VERY RELUCTANTLY) Yes, all right then.

HE PUTS THE CAR INTO MOTION AND DRIVES IT SLOWLY FORWARD.

GEOFF’S POV. BEFORE HE MAKES THE ROAD RAINDROPS START FALLING ONTO THE WINDSCREEN.

RESUME ON GEOFF AND ROSE. GEOFF SLAMS THE BRAKES ON.

ROSE:

What are you doing?

GEOFF:

It’s raining.

ROSE:

Well we’ve got windscreen wipers. (POINTS THE WIPERS) There see.

GEOFF STARTS TO REVERSE THE CAR, GOING MUCH QUICKER BACKWARDS THAN HE DID FORWARDS.

ROSE:

(PROTESTS) Geoff!

THE CAR IS NOW BACK IN THE GARAGE.

ROSE:

What do you think you’re doing?

GEOFF:

There’s not much point in going out if it’s raining is there.

ROSE:

What? We don’t have to get out. We can sit in the car and watch the rain.

GEOFF:

We can do that here.

ROSE:

Sit in the garage?

GEOFF:

I am not taking the Zephyr Zodiac out in the rain, Rose. (POINTS OUT OF THE WINDOW) Look it’s doing big dobs now, it’ll spoil all the polish.

ROSE:

I thought the polish protected it from the rain?

GEOFF:

Not big dobs like that.

ROSE SHAKES HER HEAD SADLY AND GETS OUT OF THE CAR.

FADE

13.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S LIVING ROOM   DAY.


ROSE AND JANET ARE SAT HAVING COFFEE.

JANET:

So you still haven’t been out in the car?

ROSE:

It never comes out to go out in. Well it does, on Sunday to be polished, then it goes straight back in again.

JANET:

And how long have you had it now?

ROSE:

Four weeks. I mean what’s the point in having a car Janet if you can’t go anywhere in it. He says he’s waiting for the better weather.

JANET:

It was lovely last Sunday. It said it was eighty in the paper.

ROSE:

He said it was too hot, it might melt the wax.

JANET FEELS THE BABY KICK AND WINCES.

JANET:

It’s certainly letting me know its here today.

ROSE:

Both mine kicked a lot just before I had them.

GEOFF COMES IN.

GEOFF:

Oh hello Janet, I didn’t know you were here.

ROSE:

She was asking if we’d been out anywhere in the car yet. I told her we’re waiting for  cows to fly. Then we’ll drive round looking for them if it’s not raining or too hot.

GEOFF:

Well if you’re going to be like that.

GEOFF GOES OUT.

FADE

 

 

HJA 437 Scene 10

10.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.

ROSE IS SAT READING A MAGAZINE. GEOFF COMES IN.

GEOFF:

I’ve put it back in the garage. (ROSE LOOKS UP) The car. I’ve put it in the garage.

ROSE:

I thought we were going for a drive out?

GEOFF:

Well I’m not going to risk them kids hitting it again with their football am I?

GEOFF PICKS UP THE NEWSPAPER FROM THE SEAT OF AN EASY CHAIR, SITS DOWN AND STARTS TO IT.

ROSE

I was thinking we might go to Knowsley Safari Park.

GEOFF:

(LOOKS UP) What?

ROSE:

Knowsley Safari Park. For our drive out.

GEOFF:

Knowsley Safari Park?

ROSE:

It’s near Liverpool. I believe it’s ever so good.

GEOFF:

A bit far isn’t it?

ROSE:
Liverpool? It’s only an hour. It will be a nice run out. We could take a picnic.

GEOFF STARTS READING THE PAPER AGAIN.

ROSE:

Well?

GEOFF:

(LOOKS UP) Well what?

ROSE:

Knowsley Safari Park? Are we going or aren’t we?

GEOFF:

Well we shall have to see, shan’t we. (RETURNS TO THE NEWSPAPER).

ROSE:

Only Janet was saying how good it was. As you drive through looking at all the animals monkeys tap on your window.

GEOFF:

(LOOKS UP SHARPLY) Monkeys?

ROSE:

Yes they climb up onto your bonnet and tap on your window.

GEOFF:

Onto the bonnet? Yes well you can forget that for a game of soldiers.

ROSE:

What? Why?

GEOFF:

Monkeys on the bonnet of the Zephyr Zodiac?

ROSE:

They won’t do it any harm.

GEOFF:

I know they won’t, they won’t be getting the chance.

ROSE:

Them and me both.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Monkeys can’t sit on it and I can’t sit in it.

GEOFF:

What do you mean you can’t sit in it?

ROSE:

Well I haven’t managed it yet.

GEOFF:

We’ve only had it for a couple of weeks, Rose. I’ve hardly been in it myself.

ROSE:

Well now’s your chance. This afternoon. You’ve nothing else to do.

GEOFF

I was thinking of doing a bit in the back garden.

ROSE:

(FIRMLY) Geoff, I would like to go for a drive out.

GEOFF:

I’m not going to that Knowsley Safari Park place.

 ROSE:

We don’t have to go to Knowsley Safari Park. We can go anywhere you like.

FADE

HJA 437 Scenes 5-9

5.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.


GEOFF IS STANDING AT THE WINDOW LOOKING OUT AT HIS PRIZED POSSESSION. ROSE, ARMED WITH A FEATHER DUSTER, COMES IN, SEES WHAT GEOFF IS DOING AND GRIMACES. GEOFF TURNS TO HER.

GEOFF:

Just look at it Rose. Shining like a nail in a black’s arse.

ROSE:

Well it should be all the polishing it’s had.

GEOFF:

Well I wanted to get a good coating of protective wax worked in, it’s done now.

ROSE STARTS DUSTING THE FURNITURE.

ROSE:

I thought you would have been going to work in it.

GEOFF:

You see it’s well protected it from the elements now.

 ROSE:

I said I thought you would have been going to work in it.

GEOFF:

(LOST IN THE CAR) What?

ROSE:

The car. I thought you would have been going to work in it.

GEOFF:

Well I did think of doing. But I’ve always gone on the bus. Anyway it’s only a cock stride, it’s hardly worth getting it out of the garage for.

ROSE:

But the bus stop’s miles away. What about when it rains? You were like a drowned rat when you got home on Wednesday.

GEOFF:

I soon dried off.

ROSE:

Perhaps you could wax yourself?

GEOFF DOESN’T QUITE KNOW HOW TO TAKE THIS SO CONTENTS HIMSELF WITH RAISING AN EYEBROW.

ROSE:

(CONTINUING) I was thinking we could go for a drive out this afternoon.

GEOFF:

This afternoon?

ROSE:

Geoff I haven’t been in the car yet and we’ve had it three weeks.

GEOFF:

Well whose fault is that? I offered to take you out in it.

ROSE:

To Halfords? Why would I want to go to Halfords?

GEOFF:

It was a trip out.

ROSE:

Blackpool is a trip out Geoff. The Derbyshire Dales is a trip out. Looking at beautiful scenery and lambs, not rows and rows of car accessories.

GEOFF:

Anyway the weather’s hardly been fit, has it.

ROSE:

Not here, no, but it could have been fit where we were going to.

GEOFF:

Yes and by the time we’d got there the Zephyr Zodiac would have been all mucked up.

ROSE:

Well you could clean it. You do that anyway.

THEY STAND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER FOR A SECOND OR TWO.

ROSE:

So can we then?

GEOFF:

What’s the weather like?

HE TURNS TO LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW.

GEOFF’S POV. A MUDDYFOOTBALL SMASHES INTO THE CAR.

GEOFF:

What the…….! (HE PUSHES HIS NOSE UP TO THE WINDOW, THE BETTER TO SEE OUT) Bloody kids!

HE MAKES FOR THE DOOR, ROLLING UP HIS SLEEVES.

CUT TO

6.   EXT.   OUTSIDE THE HORSEFIELD’S HOUSE.   DAY.


FOUR BOYS, AGED ABOUT TEN, HAVE BEEN PLAYING FOOTBALL IN THE STREET. THERE IS A MUDDY MARK LEFT BY THE FOOTBALL ON THE BONNET OF THE CAR. AS GEOFF COMES CHARGING OUT OF THE HOUSE ONE OF THE BOYS, GARY, PICKS UP THE FOOTBALL FROM WHERE IT HAS COME TO REST AFTER HITTING THE CAR, AND BOOTS IT BACK TO HIS MATES. HE MAKES TO FOLLOW IT BUT IS STOPPED BY GEOFF’S SHOUT.

GEOFF:

Hey, you! What do you think you’re playing at?

GARY:

What?

GEOFF GRABS HIM BY THE ARM.

GEOFF:

Don’t ‘what’ me. I said what do you think you’re playing at hitting my car with that football? This is a Zephyr Zodiac this. Well?

GARY IS DUMBSTRUCK. GEOFF TAKES HIM BY THE SHOULDERS AND SHAKES HIM.

GEOFF:
Well?

GARY:

We never hit it.

GEOFF:

Never hit it? (DRAGS GARY OVER TO THE MARK ON THE BONNET) What do you think that is, a Scotch Mist?

GARY:

We didn’t mean it Mister, honest.

GEOFF:

Didn’t mean it? You’re bound to hit it playing football in the street aren’t you. Who do you think you are, Bobby Charlton?

GARY:

(POINTS TO ANOTHER OF THE BOYS) No, he’s Bobby Charlton. I’m Denis Law.

GEOFF:

(SEETHES FOR A MOMENT THEN LETS GO OF GARY) Go and play in front of your own bloody house!

GARY:

I am doing, I only live there. (POINTS DOWN THE ROAD A LITTLE)

GEOFF:

Yes but you’re(I> kicking the ball in front ofmy house aren’t you. Where my Zephyr bloody Zodiac is. So clear off!

STEVE: (OOV)

You can’t stop us playing here.

ANOTHER ANGLE. ANOTHER OF THE BOYS, STEVE, KICKS THE BALL TO OF THE OTHER  BOYS.

STEVE:

So there!

GEOFF:

You cheeky…….I’ll show you whether I can stop you or not!

GEOFF ADVANCES ON THE BOYS. GARY JOINS THE OTHER BOYS AND THEY KICK IT TO EACH OTHER TO KEEP IT FRFOM GEOFF. GEOFF HAS SEVERAL TRIES AT GRABBING HOLD OF THE BALL BUT IS UNSUCCESSFUL, MUCH TO THE AMUSEMENT OF THE BOYS. EVENTUALLY HE GRABS IT AND KICKS IT WAY DOWN THE ROAD AS FAR AS HE CAN.

GEOFF:

There! Sod off down there and play with it!

CUT TO

7.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.


ROSE IS AT THE WINDOW HAVING FOLLOWED THE CONTRETEMPT. GEOFF OPENS THE DOOR.

GEOFF:

They only hit the Zephyr Zodiac with their football!

ROSE:

So I gathered. Janet was saying that Knowsley Safari Park is….

BUT GEOFF HAS GONE.

ROSE:

Geoff?

SHE STANDS FOR A MOMENT THEN MAKES FOR THE DOOR.

CUT TO

8.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S HALL.   DAY.


ROSE COMES OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM. AS SHE DOES GEOFF COMES OUT OF THE KITCHEN CARRYING THE TIN OF WAX POLISH AND A DUSTER. HE GOES OUT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR. ROSE WATCHES HIM GO OUT THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR

.

FADE TO

9.   EXT.  OUTSIDE THE HORSEFIELD’S HOUSE.   DAY. v

GEOFF IS POLISHING OUT THE MUDDY MARK LEFT BY THE FOOTBALL.

WIDEN THE SHOT TO SEE ROSE LOOKING OUT OF THE WINDOW AT HIM. SHE SHAKES HER HEAD THEN TURNS AWAY.

FADE