Newcastle United

Newcastle United Football Club. Minutes of meeting held Feb 1st 2008.

Chairman Mr Chris Mort opened the meeting. He said that the first item on the agenda was the strengthening the team. Mr Denis Wise, Executive Director (Football) said that in the light of the last few results this was clearly a priority. Mr Tony Jiminez, Vice President (Player Recruitment) said he was already working on this with Mr Jeff Vetere, Technical Co-Ordinator (Yet To Be Given A Defining Specific To Put In Parentheses), and Mr Kevin Keegan, First Team Coach (Fall Guy).  Mr Jiminez stated that shoring up the defence was the first priority and to this end he had already been in touch with Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspurs reference the availability of full backs Ashley Cole (Stupid Tosser) and Pascal Chimbonda (Money-grubbing Twat). Mr Keegan stated that whilst he appreciated the importance of a sound defence what was needed even more urgently was some flare up front, and with this in mind he would like to put in a firm bid for either Chelsea’s Didier Drogba (Sulky Bastard) or Nikolas Anelka (Even More Sulky Bastard), and went on to say that money for the transfer fee for either could be raised by the sale of Nicky Butt (Past It) Steven Carr (Plonker) and  Joey Barton (Hot-headed Psychopathic Cunt). At that point tea and biscuits were served by the tea lady Mrs Scoggins (Old Scrubber). A vote was then taken on (Cont on page 93)

 

 

Anti-Freeze

There was a strange item on the local news tonight. A woman tried to kill her husband by putting anti-freeze in his wine. It didn’t kill him but it put him in a coma for four months and left him with brain damage and a damaged kidney. However the good news is that he never feels the cold any more.

Russell Brand

Can anyone explain to me what is even remotely funny about Russell Brand? Please.

 

And it it true that when David Beckham saw all those undernourished children in Africa he said: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about, the wife’s thinner than most of them.”

Sadbastard Blog

www.sadbastardblog.co.uk

 

Saturday 26th Jan 2008

 

Got up and had breakfast (lightly boiled egg, toast, coffee, one sugar as usual). I slice the top off my egg, unlike some people who sort of bash the top in with a spoon. I bashed it in once but it left little bits off eggshell in my egg in so I never did it again.

After breakfast I cleaned two pair of shoes, one brown one black, then  tidied out my sock draw as it was getting in a bit of a mess.

Then I caught up with other bloggers blogs. I’m reading ten blogs a day at the moment, but not always the same ones. I suppose I read about twenty blogs altogether, fifteen of them regularly. I went to Home Thoughts From A Broad (still my very favourite blog title even if she doesn’t live abroad) first, to see if she’d

made up her mind about her new bedroom curtains. She had. She chose the yellow

flowered ones on a white background over the yellow and cream striped ones. I

thought she’d go for the striped ones myself, as I wrote last week, but there

you go. I made three comments.  I hadn’t really got anything in particular to say so I confined my comments to ‘Good on you Baz’, ‘Well that’s life’ and ‘First comment on your post of today at last!’ but it’s nice to be involved.

Then I checked to see if I had any comments from my post of yesterday. There were two (making twelve for the week, one up on last week). They were ‘Good on you, Cec’ from Baz and ‘C’est la vie’ from Pierre. (Pierre on www.frogblog.org is well worth checking out. I visited his blog initially because I’ve always been interested in pond life and naturally thought it was about frogs, but even though it turned out to be not about frogs but about his life in Rouen I’m glad I did as he’s a very interesting person).

Then I checked to see if there had been any comments to any of my three comments but there weren’t. Next I went out for a walk. It wasn’t raining again. I am fairly sure that is an original statement. I have heard the expression ‘It’s raining again’ many times but I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard anyone say ‘It wasn’t raining again’. I have added to the world’s vocabulary, probably. I’d like to think so. It started raining again just after I started my walk and it occurred to me that if it had already been raining when I set out that I might never have added to the world’s vocabulary, if I have. It just goes to show, doesn’t it.

Then I posted on my blog what I have written so far.

Next I went to the launderette to do my weekly wash (seven shirts, seven pairs of socks, seven pairs of underpants (boxers now, thanks for the tip Julie), two pullovers, three towels, two sheets, one duvet cover (blue). The launderette has been redecorated. The green painted walls are now lemon and the woodwork has gone from blue to white. Suzy’s (Home Thoughts From A Broad) yellow flowered curtains would go well with it but it looks like they’re sticking with the old green spotted curtains unless it’s just that they haven’t got round to changing them yet. Probably they haven’t got round to changing them yet.

On the walk back with my clean washing the rain stopped again. Then it started again just before I got home. When I got back I dried myself off (home and dry!) and checked to see if there had been any comments on my post so far. Just one. Pierre said that he thought that Suzy would have gone for the flowered curtains too. I thought he might. I commented on his comment ‘Good on you Pierre’.

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