£1 million in compensation

April 11th 2006
 There has been a lot in the newspapers recently about the teacher who sued her former school for £1 million in compensation after the school failed to replace her chair, which made flatulent noises when she moved. She was quoted as saying: ‘It was a regular joke that my chair made farting noises and I regularly have to apologise to pupils and parents that it isn’t me, it’s my chair.’

Many columnists including such luminaries as Richard Littlejohn and Keith Waterhouse have put in their two pennyworth but surprisingly none of them have latched onto the most important feature of the case. Which is: is this woman stark-staring mad?  Hasn’t she considered the benefits of owning such a wonderful chair? For having established with her pupils and their parents that it is she and not the chair that is making the farting noises the woman can fart away to her heart’s content, safe in the knowledge that they’ll think it’s the chair.
  Just think of the fun she could have in class. She could pick out a particularly irksome pupil, let rip with a couple of ripe ones and say: “Who was that? Smells like one of yours, Smith. Write out ‘I must not fart in class 1000 times and let me have it by morning at the latest’.”
 I don’t know about demanding £1 million pound in compensation from the school she should be paying them a £1 million for providing her with a chair like that.