Black Footballer’s Wives

May 27th 2006

Am I the only one to have noticed that all the black footballers in England’s World Cup squad are guilty of racial discrimination?  Why? And who are these black men discrimination against? Well black women, believe it or not, for as far as I have been able to determine each and every one of our black footballers has chosen a white wife or girlfriend.How come? Is it perhaps because traditionally black men have been known to choose a bit of white arm candy when it comes to getting the legover and therefore regard a white wife as a trophy? Possibly, and there’s certainly more than a grain of truth in this theory, but this is too simplistic an answer in my opinion.

Personally I think it must be because black footballers realise that white women are far superior at the art of shopping than their white sisters, and thus better equipped to spend the mountains of cash they get paid every week. After all it is by now inbred in white women through centuries of practice to spend money as fast as their partners can make it. Plus they’ve had the shining example of Princess Diana to follow. Conversely it’s not all that long ago that all black women went to the shops armed with a goat and a handful of coloured beads rather than a Barclaycard, and therefore haven’t yet acquired the necessary skills to dispose of vast amounts of money as fast as their partners can make it.

However with the likes of Naomi Campbell showing the way I’m sure it won’t be too long before black women catch up with their white counterparts. So one day in the not too distant future we might yet see a black footballer with a black wife on his arm. But don’t hold your breath.