21st December 2006
A meeting of BBC TV bigwigs is in progress. BBC CHAIRMAN: So that’s settled then, Prince Andrew will be BBC Sports Personality of the Year 2008.BBC CONTROLLER: Making it the third leg of Royal treble.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Following Zara Phillips’s win for Three Day Eventing in 2006 and the Duke of Edinburgh victory in 2007 for insulting foreigners.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Carriage racing.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Â Whatever. So all that remains is to select the sport in which Prince Andrew will triumph.
BBC CONTROLLER: How about shagging?
BBC CHAIRMAN: Yes, a possibility, I’ve heard he’s pretty good at that.
BBC CONTROLLER: We’ll pencil that in then.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Er…….?
BBC CHAIRMAN: Yes?
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Well, shagging…..I mean it isn’t a sport, is it.
BBC CHAIRMAN: I suppose not.
BBC CONTROLLER: It’s an indoor sport.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Even so, I don’t think we’d get away with it.
BBC CONTROLLER: How about flying then? He’s very good at flying. Flies anywhere and everywhere at the drop of a hat.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Yes, they don’t call him Air Miles Andy for nothing.
BBC CONTROLLER: And….maybe….?
BBC CHAIRMAN: Yes?
BBC CONTROLLER: Well I was thinking….if he happens to be a member of the five miles high club, which he very probably is, maybe we could give him a double award for flying and shagging?
BBC CHAIRMAN: Excellent. And if he could remember who it was he shagged we could give them the team award too.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Before you get too excited I think we’ve more or less established that shagging isn’t a sport. Nor is flying for that matter.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Well are there any real sports he takes part in?
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: He plays golf. He’s a six handicapper I believe.
BBC CONTROLLER: Excellent. We’ll make him BBC Sports Personality for his golf then.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: He would have to win something though.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Well can’t he win that competition we cover….what is it called?
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: The Open Championship. Actually it’s getting on for the only golf competition we cover nowadays.
BBC CONTROLLER: That’s makes it even better then.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Well it would be – except that Prince Andrew has about as much chance of winning the Open Championship as I have.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Oh I don’t think he’d have to win it.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Zara Phillips won.
BBC CONTROLLER: Yes but she takes part in a sport nobody has heard of doesn’t she. Golf is big time. Second or third would be good enough.
BBC HEAD OF SPORT: Believe me gentlemen if Prince Andrew were to enter the Open he would come in last, and by a long way.
BBC CHAIRMAN: Hmm, I don’t think we’d get away with that.
BBC CONTROLLER: Right, there’s only one thing for it. Take a note Miss Phelps.
‘BBC Grandstand’s coverage of Rugby League, Three Day Eventing and Tiddlywinks will soon be augmented by the popular new sport of Shagging……..’
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