12th January 2007

“Is there any way I can help, Chef?”
“You could slice the onion for me if you would be so kind, Chef.”
“Will do. And how about you, Chef?”
“Not at the moment but I might need a hand with the gnocchi later, Chef.”
“Just as you say, Chef.”
A typical exchange between prize tosser Ainsley Harriet and whichever two pretentious prima donnas chefs happen to be with him in the Ready Steady Cook studio that day.
Why on earth to they find it necessary to address each other as Chef all the time, or even at all? People in other professions seem to manage without doing it. Motor Mechanics don’t do it.
“Pass me that spanner would you, Motor Mechanic?”
Which one, the ten millimetre or the fifteen millimetre, Motor Mechanic?
“The ten millimetre one thanks, Motor Mechanic.”
“There you go, Motor Mechanic.”
I don’t think so. Office workers don’t do it.
“Where’s the Post Clerk today, Buying Department Clerk?”
“No idea. Why don’t you ask the Office Manager, Messenger Boy?”
“No need to do that, she phoned in with a bad cold, Messenger Boy.”
Oh. Thanks for that, Typist with Nice Arse.”
Most unlikely.
The only other people who do it are Members of Parliament with their Right Honourable this and Right Honourable that. But then they’re as pretentious as chefs so it is to be expected.
Anyway chefs are cooks not chefs, this is England, not France. Prats.

I will be interviewed reference my book Dear Air 2000 by Nick Ferrari on LBC Radio on Monday next at 9.20 a.m. Those of you who live in the London area might care to tune in if you’ve nothing better to do and listen to me make a prick of myself.

Ignore this if you have already read it. My books Dear Air 2000 and Football Crazy are now in print. They are priced at £8.99 each and are available from Amazon, but readers of my blog can buy them direct from me for £7.50 including p & p. Just send me a cheque and I will send the book/books by return.

You can write to me at –

Terry Ravenscroft, 19 Ventura Court, Ollersett Avenue, New Mills, High Peak, SK22 4LL

Dear Air 2000

Football Crazy