Newcastle United

Newcastle United Football Club. Minutes of meeting held Feb 1st 2008.

Chairman Mr Chris Mort opened the meeting. He said that the first item on the agenda was the strengthening the team. Mr Denis Wise, Executive Director (Football) said that in the light of the last few results this was clearly a priority. Mr Tony Jiminez, Vice President (Player Recruitment) said he was already working on this with Mr Jeff Vetere, Technical Co-Ordinator (Yet To Be Given A Defining Specific To Put In Parentheses), and Mr Kevin Keegan, First Team Coach (Fall Guy).  Mr Jiminez stated that shoring up the defence was the first priority and to this end he had already been in touch with Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspurs reference the availability of full backs Ashley Cole (Stupid Tosser) and Pascal Chimbonda (Money-grubbing Twat). Mr Keegan stated that whilst he appreciated the importance of a sound defence what was needed even more urgently was some flare up front, and with this in mind he would like to put in a firm bid for either Chelsea’s Didier Drogba (Sulky Bastard) or Nikolas Anelka (Even More Sulky Bastard), and went on to say that money for the transfer fee for either could be raised by the sale of Nicky Butt (Past It) Steven Carr (Plonker) and  Joey Barton (Hot-headed Psychopathic Cunt). At that point tea and biscuits were served by the tea lady Mrs Scoggins (Old Scrubber). A vote was then taken on (Cont on page 93)