For new readers. Read the previous HJA 437 posts starting Feb 5 before reading this.
14.  INT.  THE HORSEFIELD’S BEDROOM.  NIGHT.
GEOFF AND ROSE ARE IN BED. BOTH ARE LYING ON THEIR BACKS, GEOFF READING A CAR MAGAZINE WITH A PICTURE OF A ZEPHYR ZODIAC MARK 3 ON THE FRONT, ROSE CONTEMPLATING THE CEILING.
ROSE:
(RESIGNED TO IT) We never are going to go out in the car, are we.
GEOFF:
(LOOKS HER) What?
ROSE:
I beats me. Why did you buy a car if you never intended to go out in it?
GEOFF:
I intend to go out in it.
ROSE:
When?
GEOFF:
When I’ve got somewhere to go.
ROSE:
And when will that be?
GEOFF:
I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that?
ROSE:
Don’t I have a say in it?
GEOFF:
What?
ROSE:
What about if I want to go somewhere? Don’t I have a say in it?
GEOFF:
Well of course you have a say in it.
ROSE:
Right. We’ll go to Hayfield this Saturday. If I have a say in it.
GEOFF:
Right. (RETURNS TO HIS MAGAZINE)
ROSE:
No we won’t.
GEOFF:
What?
ROSE:
Well you’ll find an excuse, won’t you. Like you did last Sunday when you were going to take me to the Lake District.
GEOFF:
There was a severe weather warning for the Lake District on the radio. Blizzards.
ROSE:
Which only you seems to have heard.
GEOFF:
(IGNORES HER) What’s the point of having severe weather warnings on the radio if people don’t take any notice of them?
ROSE:
They didn’t have any blizzards in the Lake District because I looked in the paper the day after.
GEOFF:
They must have made a mistake. Weather forecasters aren’t perfect. There could have been severe weather, and then where would we have been?
ROSE:
Well not in the Lake District because you’d have heard they were going to have severe weather. Or the Black Death, or an earthquake, or a visit from King Kong or something.
GEOFF:
Now you’re talking daft.
A STRAINED SILENCE FOR A MOMENT.
ROSE:
I’d heard about men who have cars and only take them out of the garage every Sunday to polish and then put them back for a week. I never thought I’d end up married to one.
GEOFF:
You haven’t.
ROSE:
Somebody who’s bought a car just so they can look at it.
GEOFF:
I haven’t bought it just so I can look at it. There’s a certain pride of ownership, I admit, but…
ROSE:
Why did you buy it then? If you never intend to go out in it?
GEOFF:
I intend to go out in it.
ROSE:
You could have fooled me.
GEOFF:
Well I am.
ROSE:
When?
GEOFF:
When I’ve got somewhere to go.
ROSE:
Now we’re back to Miss Hay again.
GEOFF:
What?
ROSE:
Radio programme.
FX: Â A LOUD BANGING ON THE FRONT DOOR.
ROSE:
What the…..?
BRIAN: (OOV
ROSE’S POV.  JANET’S HUSBAND BRIAN  IS AT THE DOOR.
ROSE:
Brian?
BRIAN:
It’s Janet, Rose. The baby’s coming!
ROSE:
Have you phoned for an ambulance?
BRIAN:
They can’t come yet. It could be half-an-hour. I don’t think she can wait half-an-hour Rose, she’s in agony.
GEOFF:
What’s the matter?
RESUME ON ROSE. Â SHE QUICKLY COMES TO A DECISION. SHE TURNS TO GEOFF.
ROSE:
Get your trousers on.
GEOFF:
What?
ROSE STARTS DRESSING.
ROSE:
Janet’s gone into labour. You’ll have to run her to the hospital.
GEOFF:
In the Zephyr Zodiac?
ROSE:
Yes in the Zephyr Zodiac.
GEOFF:
Can’t she go on the bus?
ROSE:
The bus? The bus stop’s about half a mile away. Anyway it’s too late for the bus.
GEOFF:
No there’s the all-night service. The number ninety four. Every half…..
ROSE:
(CUTTING IN) She’s in labour Geoff, she could have the baby anytime. She doesn’t want to give birth on a bus.
GEOFF:
And I don’t want her giving birth in the Zephyr Zodiac. There’s the afterbirth….
ROSE:
(CUTTING IN) Fuck the Zephyr Zodiac! You’re running her to the hospital.
GEOFF:
I’ll take her as far as the bus stop.
ROSE:
You are taking her to the hospital!
BRIAN: (OOV)
(CALLS) Rose? Rose are you there?
ROSE:
(CALLS) Coming Brian. (TO GEOFF)
GEOFF HAS STILL MADE NO MOVE TO GET OUT OF BED.
ROSE:
(CONTINUING, TO GEOFF) Come on then, get a move on.
GEOFF:
(GETTING OUT OF BED VERY RELUCTANTLY) Well it hadn’t better be raining.
FADE
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