Black Footballer’s Wives

May 27th 2006

Am I the only one to have noticed that all the black footballers in England’s World Cup squad are guilty of racial discrimination?  Why? And who are these black men discrimination against? Well black women, believe it or not, for as far as I have been able to determine each and every one of our black footballers has chosen a white wife or girlfriend.How come? Is it perhaps because traditionally black men have been known to choose a bit of white arm candy when it comes to getting the legover and therefore regard a white wife as a trophy? Possibly, and there’s certainly more than a grain of truth in this theory, but this is too simplistic an answer in my opinion.

Personally I think it must be because black footballers realise that white women are far superior at the art of shopping than their white sisters, and thus better equipped to spend the mountains of cash they get paid every week. After all it is by now inbred in white women through centuries of practice to spend money as fast as their partners can make it. Plus they’ve had the shining example of Princess Diana to follow. Conversely it’s not all that long ago that all black women went to the shops armed with a goat and a handful of coloured beads rather than a Barclaycard, and therefore haven’t yet acquired the necessary skills to dispose of vast amounts of money as fast as their partners can make it.

However with the likes of Naomi Campbell showing the way I’m sure it won’t be too long before black women catch up with their white counterparts. So one day in the not too distant future we might yet see a black footballer with a black wife on his arm. But don’t hold your breath.  

Published by

Razzamatazz

Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.) This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000…. My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas. A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road. I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things. Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.) This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000…. My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas. A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road. I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.

3 thoughts on “Black Footballer’s Wives”

  1. Not noticed ’til yer pointed it out. It’s a mystery. Mind you wi’ Gary Lineker free maybe he’ll cop a bit of Naomi to address the balance. If he’s not interested I’m free tomorrow night Naomi…..

  2. can i just say how honoured i was at recieving a comment on my blogsite from you. to be read and appreciated by someone who wrote for mr dawson (one of my greatest comedy heroes) is indeed a great moment in my life, however sad that may seem. i am trying to catch up with your exploits after losing your site when my pc went “poof” a couple of months ago, and am ashamed to say i forgot what it was called! but i am back on track and will put a link to you so my readers can seek you out too!

  3. i have now. oh sweet lord you are a clever bloke!
    its stuff like that i grew up with! mr dawson and mr cooper. two guys who could have me crying without actually DOING anything!
    it may take a while, but i am now on a mission to read your entire web stuff!
    i have a fortnight off work soon. now i know how to spend it.
    thank you for shaping my childhood and my appreciation of “real” comedy.
    don’t use this word much, genius!

Leave a Reply