June 18th 2006
Once again I have been lumped together with all the rest of the population of Britain and informed that someone is my favourite something or other. You know the sort of thing, you see it in the newspapers all the time – ‘Trevor McDonald, the nation’s favourite newscaster’, ‘Cilla Black, the nation’s favourite auntie’, ‘Sean Connery, the nation’s favourite Scotsman’. Not forgetting of course the one we used to get once a week on average, ‘The Queen Mother, the nation’s favourite granny’.
I once read that Michael Barrymore was ‘the nation’s favourite funnyman’, but I doubt very much he was the favourite of the poor sod who died in his swimming pool, or that the poor sod thought what happened to him was funny.
This time it is Cliff Richard, who I am informed is ‘the nation’s favourite oldie’. Well I am a member of our nation and he certainly isn’t my favourite oldie. I know a lot of oldies who I prefer to Cliff Richard. In fact I know a lot of Richards who I prefer to Cliff Richard – Keith Richards, Viv Richards, Little Richard, Richard Branson being just four of them. Nor is Trevor McDonald my favourite newscaster (John Suchet), my favourite auntie Cilla Black (my Auntie Annie) nor Sean Connery my favourite Scotsman (Billy Connolly).
And the Queen Mother was certainly not my favourite Granny. In fact had there been ten million grannies resident in Britain when the Queen Mother’s extravagances were still a drain on the taxpayer then she would have been my ten millionth favourite granny, and only then because there weren’t ten million and one grannies, even if the additional granny had been Granny ‘Chainsaw Anna’ Hargreaves.
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