June 1st 2006
I see that toerag Ron Atkinson is in Dictionary corner on Countdown this week.
DES: And now for a little light diversion from the normal Countdown fare. A special game show for our special guest for the week, Ron Atkinson.
Consonant please, Carol.
DES: Another consonant.
DES: Iâ€™ll try another vowel please.
CAROL: And that one is E.
DES: And a final consonant.
CAROL: And we complete the word with another G. So thatâ€™s NGRIEG.
RON: Thatâ€™s only seven letters.
DES: Six actually Ron. Now all you have to do is arrange them into a well-known word – at least well-known to you. And it isnâ€™t Ginger. And your time startsâ€¦..now!
RON: Erâ€¦Greign? Is there such a word as Greign?
DES: No. Iâ€™ll give you a clue, Ron. It starts with an N.
DES: No. It starts N I G.
RON: No? Sorry then, no idea, so it ooks like its early doors for me then.
CAROL: Oh Iâ€™m sure you can get it if you try, Ron.
DES: It starts N I G G E. Youâ€™ve only got one letter to put in.
RON: Sorry. No idea.
DES: Say the word, Ron.
CAROL: Say it Ron.
RON: Look fellas Iâ€™ve only just managed to worm my way back onto mainstream television, give me a fucking break willâ€¦.give me a flipping break will you.
DES: Say it Ron.
CAROL: Say it â€“ and I promise not to appear on any other television programmes apart from Countdown ever again.
RON: Not even for that.
DES: Say it Ron, or we wonâ€™t ever invite you back.
RON: Erâ€¦â€¦er â€¦â€¦Ashley Cole.
RON: Well heâ€™s a nigger, isnâ€™t heâ€¦â€¦shit!