June 1st 2006
I see that toerag Ron Atkinson is in Dictionary corner on Countdown this week.
THE COUNTDOWN STUDIO. THE URBANE DES LYNAM AND THE UBIQUITOUS CAROL VORDERMAN ARE IN THEIR USUAL PLACES, ALONG WITH RON ATKINSON.
DES: And now for a little light diversion from the normal Countdown fare. A special game show for our special guest for the week, Ron Atkinson.
Consonant please, Carol.
CAROL: N.
DES: Consonant.
CAROL: G.
DES: Another consonant.
CAROL: R.
DES: Vowel.
CAROL: I.
DES: I’ll try another vowel please.
CAROL: And that one is E.
DES: And a final consonant.
CAROL: And we complete the word with another G. So that’s NGRIEG.
RON: That’s only seven letters.
DES: Six actually Ron. Now all you have to do is arrange them into a well-known word – at least well-known to you. And it isn’t Ginger. And your time starts…..now!
RON: Er…Greign? Is there such a word as Greign?
DES: No.
RON: Ignerg?
DES: No. I’ll give you a clue, Ron. It starts with an N.
RON: Nergig?
DES: No. It starts N I G.
RON: Nigreg?
DES: No.
RON: No? Sorry then, no idea, so it ooks like its early doors for me then.
CAROL: Oh I’m sure you can get it if you try, Ron.
DES: It starts N I G G E. You’ve only got one letter to put in.
RON: Sorry. No idea.
DES: Say the word, Ron.
RON: No.
CAROL: Say it Ron.
RON: Look fellas I’ve only just managed to worm my way back onto mainstream television, give me a fucking break will….give me a flipping break will you.
DES: Say it Ron.
RON: No.
CAROL: Say it – and I promise not to appear on any other television programmes apart from Countdown ever again.
RON: Not even for that.
DES: Say it Ron, or we won’t ever invite you back.
RON: Er……er ……Ashley Cole.
DES: What?
RON: Well he’s a nigger, isn’t he……shit!
Published by
Razzamatazz
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
View all posts by Razzamatazz
Absolute top quality Terry.
even with one letter left, you just know that he would struggle to make ANY word. the knukle dragging neaderthal!
Big Car Small Dick, Big Ron Small Brain. It’s a grand design.