July 15th 2006Â
On the subject of Painter and Decorators thereâ€™s a saying â€˜If you can piss you can paintâ€™. There ought to be another, â€˜If you can drink tea you can be a Decoratorâ€™ because thatâ€™s all the buggers who are supposed to be decorating our house seem to be doing.
I went back to our house at ten this morning for a small screwdriver as I couldnâ€™t find one at Razzaâ€™s. When I got there the Two Decorators were sat around drinking tea. When I returned the screwdriver an hour later they were still sat around drinking tea. Weather theyâ€™d done any decorating in the meantime I donâ€™t know but there wasnâ€™t any evidence of it if they had.
â€œIâ€™m not paying you two to sit around drinking tea all day,â€ I said.
â€œPrice is just the same weather we drink tea or no,â€ said one of them. He pulled a piece of paper from his overalls and consulted it. â€œThis is the living room right? The price we quoted you for decorating it is Â£450, no mater how long we take. Or how many cups of tea we drink.â€
â€œOh by the way,â€ said the other one. â€œâ€Weâ€™re using your tea. We ran out of teabags, I hope you donâ€™t mind.â€
Talk about bloody rubbing it in! â€œYouâ€™re Â drinking my tea?â€ I said. â€œYouâ€™re sat in my house not decorating it and drinking my tea?â€
â€œWeâ€™ll put it back when we get some. Weâ€™ve had ten teabags up to now, see we jot it down on the skirting board over there every time we take some.â€
â€œWell just make sure when you do that itâ€™s not cheep shit like Co-op 99, see thatâ€™s itâ€™s Tetleyâ€™s or PG Tips.â€
â€œYorkshire Tea itâ€™ll be. We prefer Yorkshire. Have you tried Yorkshire Tea?â€
â€œIâ€™ve got better fucking things to do than stand about discussing the relative merits of different brands of fucking tea, â€œ I said, finally loosing my rag.
â€œI was only saying. Only Iâ€™m a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to tea. So is Ted here.â€
â€œYou bloody well ought to be the amount of it you drink. Just see all your tea drinking doesnâ€™t hold up the job and bugger up me moving back in when I have to.Â So I want all three rooms finished by then or thereâ€™ll be trouble.â€