20th December 2006
The best investment advice available today is to be found not in the Financial Times or the financial pages of your daily newspaper but right here on the Razzamatazzblog. And here it is. Get your money into the tarpaulin sheeting and scaffolding business. Any branch of it, either supplying the tarpaulin and scaffolding or erecting the scaffolding and using the tarpaulin to sheet with, but personally I would go for the supply side of things as Â sheeting with tarpaulin and erecting scaffolding sounds too much like hard work to me. But whichever you pick do it now and get in before other people cotton on and spoil the market.
The reason for my confidence in the growth potential of this market? Our wonderful policemen. Who have already arrested two men, one yesterday and the other the day before, on suspicion of murdering five prostitutes in the Ipswich area. (You will note that I donâ€™t refer to these women as â€˜working girlsâ€™, as the media has taken to doing. A secretary is a working girl; likewise a shop assistant or a travel agent, and to call a prostitute a working girl is an insult to every woman who is a working girl in the proper meaning of the expression. There, thank goodness Iâ€™ve got that off my chest, as the 36C cup-size women said when she took off the 34 A cup bra).
But getting back to our wonderful boys in blue and their penchant for arresting a man a day and festooning his house with scaffolding and tarpaulin. I have it on good authority that this is only the thin end of the wedge. The plan is to arrest every man in the country, and probably lesbians too, and cover all their house with scaffolding and tarpaulin sheeting. That way they will be sure to have arrested the right man. They wonâ€™t know who he is but at least heâ€™ll be safely locked up and wonâ€™t be able to murder any more working giâ€¦â€¦prostitutes. And of course made a fortune for whoever has taken my advice and has invested in the scaffolding and tarpaulin sheeting business.
Ignore this if you have already read it. My books Dear Air 2000 and Football Crazy are now in print. They are priced at Â£8.99 each and are available from Amazon, but readers of my blog can buy them direct from me for Â£7.50 including p & p. Just send me a cheque and I will send the book/books by return.
My address is â€“
Terry Ravenscroft, 19 Ventura Court, Ollersett Avenue, New Mills, High Peak, SK22 4LL