Enormous Vegetables

Enormous Vegetables !

 

Gigantic Tomatoes!

Grow tomatoes up to 30 inches in diameter. You can grow our unbeatable tomatoes with a minimum of care but with a maximum amount of manure. It produces gigantic tomatoes 30 inches across. Pick one of these off the trusses without help and you may very well be in need of a truss yourself! B.M. Birmingham

Huge Peppers

World’s Largest Bell Peppers!< BR>

Up to seven feet long and two feet wide. Just one of our peppers stuffed with your favourite filling will easily feed a family of four for a year, or stuffed with your family saves you having to feed a family of four ever again. ‘I couldn’t get the darn thing out of my greenhouse so we had to eat it in there. Three weeks later we were still eating it!’  F.F. Sunderland  

Enormous Courgettes!

Guaranteed the biggest courgette you’ve ever seen. Six feet long by two feet wide our courgette is both big and full of flavour. Cut into halves and dried in the sun it makes an excellent sarcophagus. ‘I buried my mother in one and saved on the cost of her funeral considerably’ J.G. Manchester

Massive Leeks!< BR>

Our leeks reach three feet in diameter and grow to a height of up to twenty feet. More like trees in size, our leeks are both tasty and excellent for training lumberjacks. ‘One fell on my mother and killed her’.  J.G. Manchester

Astonishing, Amazing Aubergines!

Our biggest exaggeration yet! Our truly amazing aubergines grow to over sixty feet long by twenty feet wide. One of our clients, ex-homeless Cypriot Artemis Christodopolous is now living in one of our aubergines with his family of six after hollowing it out. Two thousand portion of moussaka have been made from the resultant pulp, feeding his family of six for twelve months!.

 

Send today for our free Enormous Vegetables and Surgical Truss catalogue to-

Enormous Vegetables

PO Box32

Pie-in-the-Sky

Gloucs

Published by

Razzamatazz

Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.) This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000…. My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas. A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road. I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things. Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.) This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000…. My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas. A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road. I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.

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