Russell Brand

Can anyone explain to me what is even remotely funny about Russell Brand? Please.


And it it true that when David Beckham saw all those undernourished children in Africa he said: “I don’t know what all the fuss is about, the wife’s thinner than most of them.”

Sadbastard Blog


Saturday 26th Jan 2008


Got up and had breakfast (lightly boiled egg, toast, coffee, one sugar as usual). I slice the top off my egg, unlike some people who sort of bash the top in with a spoon. I bashed it in once but it left little bits off eggshell in my egg in so I never did it again.

After breakfast I cleaned two pair of shoes, one brown one black, then  tidied out my sock draw as it was getting in a bit of a mess.

Then I caught up with other bloggers blogs. I’m reading ten blogs a day at the moment, but not always the same ones. I suppose I read about twenty blogs altogether, fifteen of them regularly. I went to Home Thoughts From A Broad (still my very favourite blog title even if she doesn’t live abroad) first, to see if she’d

made up her mind about her new bedroom curtains. She had. She chose the yellow

flowered ones on a white background over the yellow and cream striped ones. I

thought she’d go for the striped ones myself, as I wrote last week, but there

you go. I made three comments.  I hadn’t really got anything in particular to say so I confined my comments to ‘Good on you Baz’, ‘Well that’s life’ and ‘First comment on your post of today at last!’ but it’s nice to be involved.

Then I checked to see if I had any comments from my post of yesterday. There were two (making twelve for the week, one up on last week). They were ‘Good on you, Cec’ from Baz and ‘C’est la vie’ from Pierre. (Pierre on is well worth checking out. I visited his blog initially because I’ve always been interested in pond life and naturally thought it was about frogs, but even though it turned out to be not about frogs but about his life in Rouen I’m glad I did as he’s a very interesting person).

Then I checked to see if there had been any comments to any of my three comments but there weren’t. Next I went out for a walk. It wasn’t raining again. I am fairly sure that is an original statement. I have heard the expression ‘It’s raining again’ many times but I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard anyone say ‘It wasn’t raining again’. I have added to the world’s vocabulary, probably. I’d like to think so. It started raining again just after I started my walk and it occurred to me that if it had already been raining when I set out that I might never have added to the world’s vocabulary, if I have. It just goes to show, doesn’t it.

Then I posted on my blog what I have written so far.

Next I went to the launderette to do my weekly wash (seven shirts, seven pairs of socks, seven pairs of underpants (boxers now, thanks for the tip Julie), two pullovers, three towels, two sheets, one duvet cover (blue). The launderette has been redecorated. The green painted walls are now lemon and the woodwork has gone from blue to white. Suzy’s (Home Thoughts From A Broad) yellow flowered curtains would go well with it but it looks like they’re sticking with the old green spotted curtains unless it’s just that they haven’t got round to changing them yet. Probably they haven’t got round to changing them yet.

On the walk back with my clean washing the rain stopped again. Then it started again just before I got home. When I got back I dried myself off (home and dry!) and checked to see if there had been any comments on my post so far. Just one. Pierre said that he thought that Suzy would have gone for the flowered curtains too. I thought he might. I commented on his comment ‘Good on you Pierre’.

Premiership Footballer

The Hard Life Of A Premiership Footballer



People think the life of a Premiership footballer is cushy but that just isn’t so.

They think that apart from match days we just train every morning and then have the rest of the day off. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. We’re a bit like teachers in that respect. People think that teachers just start work at nine –o-clock in the morning and work till three in the afternoon and that’s it. They forget that teachers have to spend hours and hours doing all the marking and planning the children’s lessons too. Well it’s like that with footballers. People think that apart from training every morning we don’t have any other responsibilities, there isn’t anything else we have to do. They conveniently forget that we have to go shopping every afternoon. In fact most Premiership footballers have to spend more time shopping than they do training. I know I do. And it’s bloody hard work too. You try getting through a hundred grand every week, it isn’t easy. All right, I suppose you could take the easy way out and buy a hundred grand car every week, which wouldn’t take up too much of your time granted, but even if you filled your four car garage then filled up your grounds with cars it wouldn’t be long before you couldn’t move for bleeding cars, I know, I did it.

So buying a hundred grand car every week only lasts for about fifteen weeks. Then you have to think of other things you can spend your money on. We’ve already got a swimming pool, naturally, so I can’t spend anything on a swimming pool. Unless I was to make the one we’ve already got bigger or have another one built for the kids but I can’t do that as we haven’t got any more room because of all the cars. Putting another couple of cars in the swimming pool would get rid of another two hundred grand I suppose but two weeks later you’ve got the same problem, as I learned after I put the first two cars in the swimming pool.

That leaves buying things for the house and clobber. But how many Agas can you have? We’ve got five, six when we’ve had one put on the landing next week, but there just isn’t room for any more and at eight grand a pop that’s only forty eight grand which isn’t even one week’s wage. And we’ve already got wood panelled walls throughout, six chandeliers in every room and more settees than Land of Leather. And how much clobber can you buy? I’m luckier than most because my wife Tracey Michelle can spend for England but even Tracey Michelle finds it hard to get through more than twenty grand a week, but even if she could there’s nowhere to put it because our bedroom, the billiards room, the greenhouse, the potting shed and the gazebo are already full to overflowing with her and my clothes and we can’t put any in the walk-in wardrobe because there’s a car in there.

No, as I say, the life of a Premiership footballer is a lot harder than people think.

Enormous Vegetables

Enormous Vegetables !


Gigantic Tomatoes!

Grow tomatoes up to 30 inches in diameter. You can grow our unbeatable tomatoes with a minimum of care but with a maximum amount of manure. It produces gigantic tomatoes 30 inches across. Pick one of these off the trusses without help and you may very well be in need of a truss yourself! B.M. Birmingham

Huge Peppers

World’s Largest Bell Peppers!< BR>

Up to seven feet long and two feet wide. Just one of our peppers stuffed with your favourite filling will easily feed a family of four for a year, or stuffed with your family saves you having to feed a family of four ever again. ‘I couldn’t get the darn thing out of my greenhouse so we had to eat it in there. Three weeks later we were still eating it!’  F.F. Sunderland  

Enormous Courgettes!

Guaranteed the biggest courgette you’ve ever seen. Six feet long by two feet wide our courgette is both big and full of flavour. Cut into halves and dried in the sun it makes an excellent sarcophagus. ‘I buried my mother in one and saved on the cost of her funeral considerably’ J.G. Manchester

Massive Leeks!< BR>

Our leeks reach three feet in diameter and grow to a height of up to twenty feet. More like trees in size, our leeks are both tasty and excellent for training lumberjacks. ‘One fell on my mother and killed her’.  J.G. Manchester

Astonishing, Amazing Aubergines!

Our biggest exaggeration yet! Our truly amazing aubergines grow to over sixty feet long by twenty feet wide. One of our clients, ex-homeless Cypriot Artemis Christodopolous is now living in one of our aubergines with his family of six after hollowing it out. Two thousand portion of moussaka have been made from the resultant pulp, feeding his family of six for twelve months!.


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