Razzamatazz

For new readers. Read the http://cialistadalafils.com/ previous HJA 437 posts starting Feb 5 before reading this.

20.   INT.   JANET’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.   
ROSE AND JANET ARE LOOKING FONDLY INTO A PRAM.

ROSE:

Oh he’s lovely Janet. Gorgeous.

JANET:

Brian doesn’t think so, he says he looks like Winston Churchill.

ROSE:

All men think babies look like Winston Churchill Janet. (LEANS OVER TO SPEAK TO THE BABY) But you don’t look like Winston Churchill, do you. No. You’re a little love, aren’t you. Look at him laughing. (TO JANET) Have you decided on a name for him yet?

JANET:

Darren. After that bloke in ‘Bewitched’.

ROSE:

That’s nice. Nice and modern.

JANET:

We were thinking of giving him a second name as well. If it’s all right with you.

ROSE:

All right with me?

JANET:

And Geoff. You see it would be sort of in honour of you and Geoff for getting me to the hospital on time.

ROSE:

That’s very thoughtful of you, Janet.

JANET:

The problem is we can hardly call him Rose….. and we don’t like the name Geoff. No offence.

ROSE:

None taken, I’m not all that keen on it myself.

JANET:

So we thought we’d call him after your car instead.

ROSE:

Zephyr Zodiac? Darren Zephyr Zodiac?

JANET:

(LAUGHS) No, Ford. It’s a Ford. According to Brian. Both of us think it’s a nice name Ford, very manly.

ROSE:

Well it’s certainly better than Zephyr Zodiac. Anyway if you called him that he might never get out if he turns out anything like our Zephyr Zodiac.

JANET:

Have you heard anything about it yet? Your car?

ROSE:

Not yet. We went out looking for it yesterday but we didn’t have any luck. I didn’t think we would but it’s worth a try.

JANET:

I’ll keep an eye out for it myself when I’m walking Darren Ford out.

ROSE:

Thanks. We’re going looking again this weekend if it still hasn’t turned up. Somewhere else this time.

JANET:

Well I hope you find it. I feel dead guilty about it. I mean if it hadn’t been for me…..

ROSE:

Don’t talk so daft, Janet. It was just one of those things. Anyway at least it’s got Geoff and me going out together again.

FADE

21.   EXT.   SUBURBAN MANCHESTER STREETS.   DAY.

ROSE AND GEOFF ARE WALKING ALONG LOOKING FOR THEIR CAR. AS WELL AS CARS PARKED AT THE ROADSIDE AND ON THE DRIVES OF HOUSES THEY ARE CHECKING OUT PASSING CARS.

CUT TO

ANOTHER STREET. THEY WALK ALONG. THEY TURN A CORNER INTO YET ANOTHER STREET. A BLACK ZEPHYR ZODIAC IS PARKED ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE STREET. ROSE SPOTS IT BEFORE GEOFF. SHE GRABS HIS ARM AND POINTS IN THE DIRECTION OF THE CAR.

ROSE:

Geoff!

GEOFF LOOKS.

GEOFF’S POV.  THE CAR IS NEAR ENOUGH FOR US TO SEE THAT IT IS THE WRONG REGISTRATION.

ON GEOFF AND ROSE.

GEOFF:

No, not ours. Wrong reg. Ours is HJA 437.

DISAPPOINTED, THEY WALK ON.

FADE

21.   INT.   JANET’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.

ROSE AND JANET ARE HAVING COFFEE.

JANET:

But it wasn’t yours?

ROSE:

Same colour and everything. Different registration.

JANET:

Whereabouts were you looking?

ROSE:

The Belle Vue area.

JANET:

Why there?

ROSE:

It was the first bus that came along. But we’re going to be a bit more systematic about it in future. I’m going to get an A to Z and cross off the area and the streets as we cover them so we don’t end up looking down the same streets. We’re doing Didsbury this weekend.

JANET:

Oh it’s nice there. You get a lot of university students living there.

ROSE:

Yes, just the sort of people who pinch cars.

FADE

22.   EXT.   STREETS OF DIDSBURY, MANCHESTER.

ROSE AND GEOFF ARE LOOKING FOR THEIR CAR. THEY TURN A CORNER. WE GO WITH THEM. ROSE NOTICES A CAFÉ UP AHEAD.

ROSE:

(INDICATES THE CAFÉ) I don’t know about you but I’m ready for a drink.

GEOFF:

Yes, all right.

THEY ENTER THE CAFÉ.

FADE

23.   INT.   CAFÉ.   DAY.

ROSE AND GEOFF ARE SEATED NEAR TO THE WINDOW HAVING COFFEE.

ROSE:

Have you spoken to the insurance yet?

GEOFF:

Them!

ROSE:

You have then.

GEOFF:

It’ll be weeks, months before they cough up, if they ever do. ‘We’ve got to make absolutely sure that the vehicle is permanently missing, Mr Horsefield’. They’re about as much use as the police. It would be a different story if it was their Zephyr Zodiac that had been pinched.

ROSE:

Well we might find it yet. But not while we’re sat here. (SHE DRAINS HER CUP THEN INDICATES GEOFF’S CUP) Have you finished yet?

GEOFF:

I think I’ve had enough for today Rose. If I have to look at any more cars I’ll go mad.

ROSE:
(HAS A THOUGHT) I tell you what. We’re quite near the river, here. It’s lovely there. We went there a couple of times when we were courting. Do you remember?

GEOFF:

Yes. Yes I do.

ROSE:

We could go. Take our mind off looking for the car for a bit.

GEOFF:

(COMES TO A DECISION) Yes. Yes all right then.

FADE

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

15.   EXT. OUTSIDE THE HORSEFIELDS HOUSE.   NIGHT.

ROSE, BRIAN AND JANET, WHO IS IN THE THROES OF LABOUR PAINS, ARE WAITING AT THE BOTTOM OF THE DRIVE. GEOFF DRIVES THE CAR OUT OF THE GARAGE AND STOPS AT THEM. HE GETS OUT OF THE CAR WHILE ROSE OPENS ONE OF THE REAR DOORS TO USHER JANET IN.

GEOFF:

Hold on a minute.

HE MAKES FOR THE FRONT DOOR.

ROSE:
Where are you going?

GEOFF:

(TURNS TO HER) We’ll need a sheet or something for the back seat, we don’t want any accidents on the leopard skin upholstery.

JUST BEFORE HE FINISHES SPEAKING JANET HAS ANOTHER CONTRACTION AND GASPS IN PAIN.

ROSE:

Can you hear the poor woman Geoff? Get her to the hospital, now!

GEOFF:

It’ll only take me…..

ROSE:

(CUTTING IN) Geoff!

GEOFF:

Bloody hell.

RELUCTANTLY GEOFF GETS BACK IN THE CAR. ROSE HELPS JANET INTO THE BACK OF THE CAR.

FADE

16.   EXT.   OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL ENTRANCE.   NIGHT.

THE CAR PULLS UP AT THE ENTRANCE. BRIAN GETS OUT OF THE PASSENGER SEAT AND GOES ROUND TO HELP ROSE GET JANET OUT OF THE BACK SEAT. GEOFF REMAINS BEHIND THE WHEEL. WHEN JANET IS OUT OF THE CAR HE TURNS TO GIVE THE BACK SEAT A ONCE OVER, LOOKING FOR STAINS. HIS ARM ROUND JANET, BRIAN USHERS HER TOWARDS THE ENTRANCE. ROSE TAPS ON THE WINDOW TO GET GEOFF’S ATTENTION. GEOFF LOOKS AT HER. SHE INDICATES TO GEOFF TO WIND DOWN THE WINDOW. GEOFF DOES THIS.

ROSE:
Park up. We’ll be in Maternity.

GEOFF:

Park up?

ROSE:

I’m not leaving her now Geoff, she could have the baby any minute. We’ll be in Maternity.

GEOFF:

Well I don’t have to stop.

ROSE:

Yes you do.

GEOFF:

You can give me a ring and I’ll come and pick you up.

ROSE:

You might not hear me.

GEOFF;

Why wouldn’t I hear you?

ROSE

 (CONTINUING)You’ll probably be polishing the car.

GEOFF:

At three-o-clock in the morning?

ROSE:

I wouldn’t put it past you.

GEOFF:

Give me a ring.

HE MAKES TO DRIVE OFF.

ROSE:

Just a minute. (SHE OPENS HER HANDBAG, TAKES OUT A PURSE, TAKES A COIN FROM THE PURSE IN THUMB AND FINGER AND SHOWS IT TO GEOFF) You either park this car up right now then come to meet me in Maternity or I scrape this all down the side of your precious Zephyr Zodiac. Either now or when I get home. And don’t think I won’t.

GEOFF REALISES HE IS BEATEN.

GEOFF:

I’ll see you in a bit.

FADE

17  EXT.   OUTSIDE A HOSPITAL ENTRANCE.   NIGHT.

ROSE AND GEOFF EMERGE FROM THE DOORS, GEOFF YAWNING, AND STEP OUT INTO THE NIGHT GEOFF INDICATES TO HIS RIGHT.

GEOFF:

Car park’s just over here.

THEY SET OFF WALKING.

18.   EXT.   CAR PARK.   NIGHT.

THERE ARE VERY FEW CARS IN THE CAR PARK. THE ZEPHYR ZODIAC IS NOT ONE OF THEM. GEOFF AND ROSE WALK INTO THE CAR PARK. GEOFF IMMEDIATELY REALISES SOMETHING IS WRONG AND COMES TO A SUDDEN STOP.

ROSE:

What’s the matter?

GEOFF:

It’s not here.

ROSE:

Not here?

GEOFF POINTS TO A SPACE.

GEOFF:

It was there. Right there.

ROSE:

Are you sure we’re in the right car park?

GEOFF:

I know where I parked it Rose. Somebody’s pinched it! Somebody’s pinched the Zephyr Zodiac! I knew something like this would happen.

FADE

19.  INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S LIVING ROOM.   DAY.

ROSE IS SEATED. GEOFF IS ON THE PHONE.

GEOFF:

No…………Well can you give me some idea?………………Well how long does it usually take to recover a stolen car?……………As long as that?………..Never?………. Yes, right……………….I’ll give you a ring tomorrow then………………..No, I’ll ring you.

HE CRADLES THE PHONE AND TURNS TO ROSE.

GEOFF:

Nothing. Not a dicky bird.

ROSE:

Well they’ve got the registration number and the description. And it’s only been a week.

GEOFF:

Bloody police. If it hadn’t got a tax disc they’d find it soon enough.

ROSE:

Probably.

GEOFF:

I bet they’re not even looking for it. Well they don’t, they just give the number to the rozzers who fart around in police cars and the few of them who are still left on the beat on the off chance they spot it. Fat chance of that happening.

A THOUGHT OCCURS TO ROSE.

ROSE:

Perhaps we could look for it?

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Well if the police aren’t looking for it…..?

GEOFF:

Me and you should look for it?

ROSE:

Well we could.

GEOFF:

It could be anywhere in the country, Rose.

ROSE:

Yes but it isn’t likely to be, is it. It’s much more likely to be somewhere in Manchester.

GEOFF:

Somewhere in Manchester? Do you realise how big Manchester is?

ROSE:

Well at least we’d be trying. You never know, we could walk down the road, turn a couple of corners and there it would be. (SHE STANDS UP) Come on then, get your skates on.

GEOFF CONSIDERS IT FOR A MOMENT, THEN –

GEOFF:

I’ll get my coat.

FADE

 

For new readers. Read the previous HJA 437 posts starting Feb 5 before reading this.

14.   INT.   THE HORSEFIELD’S BEDROOM.   NIGHT.

GEOFF AND ROSE ARE IN BED. BOTH ARE LYING ON THEIR BACKS, GEOFF READING A CAR MAGAZINE WITH A PICTURE OF A ZEPHYR ZODIAC MARK 3 ON THE FRONT, ROSE CONTEMPLATING THE CEILING.

ROSE:

(RESIGNED TO IT) We never are going to go out in the car, are we.

GEOFF:

(LOOKS HER) What?

ROSE:

I beats me. Why did you buy a car if you never intended to go out in it?

GEOFF:

I intend to go out in it.

ROSE:

When?

GEOFF:

When I’ve got somewhere to go.

ROSE:

And when will that be?

GEOFF:

I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that?

ROSE:

Don’t I have a say in it?

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

What about if I want to go somewhere? Don’t I have a say in it?

GEOFF:

Well of course you have a say in it.

ROSE:

Right. We’ll go to Hayfield this Saturday. If I have a say in it.

GEOFF:

Right. (RETURNS TO HIS MAGAZINE)

ROSE:

No we won’t.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Well you’ll find an excuse, won’t you. Like you did last Sunday when you were going to take me to the Lake District.

GEOFF:

There was a severe weather warning for the Lake District on the radio. Blizzards.

ROSE:

Which only you seems to have heard.

GEOFF:
(IGNORES HER) What’s the point of having severe weather warnings on the radio if people don’t take any notice of them?

ROSE:

They didn’t have any blizzards in the Lake District because I looked in the paper the day after.

GEOFF:

They must have made a mistake. Weather forecasters aren’t perfect. There could have been severe weather, and then where would we have been?

ROSE:

Well not in the Lake District because you’d have heard they were going to have severe weather. Or the Black Death, or an earthquake, or a visit from King Kong or something.

GEOFF:

Now you’re talking daft.

A STRAINED SILENCE FOR A MOMENT.

ROSE:

I’d heard about men who have cars and only take them out of the garage every Sunday to polish and then put them back for a week. I never thought I’d end up married to one.

GEOFF:

You haven’t.

ROSE:

Somebody who’s bought a car just so they can look at it.

GEOFF:

I haven’t bought it just so I can look at it. There’s a certain pride of ownership, I admit, but…

ROSE:

Why did you buy it then? If you never intend to go out in it?

GEOFF:

I intend to go out in it.

ROSE:

You could have fooled me.

GEOFF:

Well I am.

ROSE:

When?

GEOFF:

When I’ve got somewhere to go.

ROSE:

Now we’re back to Miss Hay again.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE:

Radio programme.

FX:   A LOUD BANGING ON THE FRONT DOOR.

ROSE:

What the…..?

BRIAN: (OOV

ROSE’S POV.  JANET’S HUSBAND BRIAN  IS AT THE DOOR.

ROSE:

Brian?

BRIAN:

It’s Janet, Rose. The baby’s coming!

ROSE:

Have you phoned for an ambulance?

BRIAN:

They can’t come yet. It could be half-an-hour. I don’t think she can wait half-an-hour Rose, she’s in agony.

GEOFF:

What’s the matter?

RESUME ON ROSE.  SHE QUICKLY COMES TO A DECISION. SHE TURNS TO GEOFF.

ROSE:

Get your trousers on.

GEOFF:

What?

ROSE STARTS DRESSING.

ROSE:

Janet’s gone into labour. You’ll have to run her to the hospital.

GEOFF:

In the Zephyr Zodiac?

ROSE:

Yes in the Zephyr Zodiac.

GEOFF:

Can’t she go on the bus?

ROSE:

The bus? The bus stop’s about half a mile away. Anyway it’s too late for the bus.

GEOFF:

No there’s the all-night service. The number ninety four.  Every half…..

ROSE:

(CUTTING IN) She’s in labour Geoff, she could have the baby anytime. She doesn’t want to give birth on a bus.

GEOFF:

And I don’t want her giving birth in the Zephyr Zodiac. There’s the afterbirth….

ROSE:

(CUTTING IN) Fuck the Zephyr Zodiac! You’re running her to the hospital.

GEOFF:

I’ll take her as far as the bus stop.

ROSE:

You are taking her to the hospital!

BRIAN: (OOV)

(CALLS) Rose? Rose are you there?

ROSE:

(CALLS) Coming Brian. (TO GEOFF)

GEOFF HAS STILL MADE NO MOVE TO GET OUT OF BED.

ROSE:

(CONTINUING, TO GEOFF) Come on then, get a move on.

GEOFF:

(GETTING OUT OF BED VERY RELUCTANTLY) Well it hadn’t better be raining.

FADE