Things To Do While You’re Waiting To Pee
Men with prostate gland trouble, and there are millions of us throughout the world, sometimes have to wait for ages for their pee to come when they go to the lavatory. Lacking a prostate gland women never have this problem; unless of course they find themselves in need of toilet facilities whilst visiting places like Alton Towers or Chatsworth, where the queues for the Ladies are always about a mile long and they have to wait for ages. It is only when they find themselves together at such places then that man and woman find themselves similarly disadvantaged, the only difference being that women stand outside the toilet waiting to have a pee whilst men stand inside the toilet waiting to have a pee.
Faced with a wait of up to five minutes standing there with your dick pointing at the porcelain waiting for something to happen every time you need to urinate – and this for upwards of ten times a day – you need to have something to do to pass the time, particularly as you are temporarily incapable of passing anything else. You could just stand there waiting of course, or count how many tiles you have in your bathroom – there are a hundred and eighty four in ours, two of them cracked – but that gets boring after a while. So, and in the interests of helping any fellow sufferers who may be at a loose end – if you’ll pardon the expression – here are a few things I do to while away the time whilst waiting. Please feel free to adopt them.
Do a crossword puzzle. My first job every morning is to cut out the crossword from the Daily Mail (apart from Garfield and Mac about the only decent thing in it nowadays), and prop it on the toilet roll holder in the bathroom. On average I fill in about eight answers per visit to the lavatory so after about four visits I’ve usually
finished it. It can also be used in emergencies if you run out of toilet paper, but then of course it is the devil’s own job filling in the crossword afterwards.
Do a few simple keep-fit exercises. However don’t do any exercise which involves rotating the hips from side to side, because if your pee decides to start coming you might find yourself peeing on the bathroom floor, with all the subsequent earache from your wife that peeing on the bathroom floor always entails.
Sing (daytime only). Don’t be embarrassed, people sing in the bath so why
not in the bathroom whilst waiting to pee? I’ve been doing it for years and while my peeing has been getting increasingly poorer my singing has got increasingly better, so much so that the woman next door used to send in requests before she moved.
Give some point and focus to your singing for added enjoyment. I once sang the first line of twenty seven Frankie Laine songs and it would have been twenty eight if
the twenty seventh hadn’t been ‘Cool Clear Water’, which set me off peeing.
Make plans for the day. On one waiting to pee occasion I planned to mow the lawn, weed the flowerbed, wash the car, clear out the garage, put up a kitchen shelf and change a light bulb. However I only managed to change the light bulb as I spent most of the day waiting to pee.
Read a book. Be careful in your choice of book though. Over the course of six
 weeks I once read ‘The Exorcist’ whilst waiting to pee, but at times
 it got so exciting I carried on reading it after I’d had a pee; so if
 you don’t want to spend any more time than necessary standing at the lavatory
select a book that you will be glad to put down after you’ve finished peeing. I recommend something by Jeffrey Archer or Jilly Cooper, or anything by Tolkien. Young boys with prostate trouble should read Harry Potter.
Watch television. The programmes, especially through the daytime, are absolute drivel, but there is something oddly satisfying about watching Trisha, Des & Mel, Loose Women, and Richard & Judy with your dick hanging out.
I would welcome other suggestions.
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Razzamatazz
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
Hi. I’m Terry Ravenscroft, I’m aged 67 and…..whoooah, come back, I’m not ready to have the lid nailed down on my coffin just yet. Anyway I’m a very young 67. (About five years ago I went to see Pulp at the Manchester Evening News Arena. I was older than everyone else by at least 35 years. The eighteen-year-old next to me asked me if I’d ever been to the venue before. I replied ‘Yes I saw George Formby here once’. She’d never heard of him.)
This blog is going to be about my life and the way I see things. Before I retired I was a comedy scriptwriter for Les Dawson and Smith and Jones amongst others so there’s a sporting chance that some of the things I write will be funny. One of the reasons I’m writing this blog, although by no means the only reason, is because I have a website www.topcomedy.co.uk which I hope you will log on to occasionally. I have yet to meet anybody who doesn’t like Dear Air 2000….
My hobbies are walking, playing crown green bowls, watching football, birdwatching , cooking, and, according to The Trouble, moaning. Oh, and I have a thing about Kristen Scott Thomas.
A couple of people I will be mentioning from time to time are The Trouble and Atkins Down The Road. The Trouble is my wife. I don’t call her The Trouble because it’s cockney rhyming slang for ‘wife, trouble and strife’, but because she has the habit of starting sentences, especially to me, with the words ‘The trouble with you is….’ Then goes on to complete the rest of the sentence with words like ‘you never listen when I’m talking to you’ or ‘you never see the other person’s point of view’ or some such other frivolous complaint. Atkins Down The Road is my best friend and lives, not surprisingly, down the road.
I started a weblog a couple of years ago but stopped doing it to write a novel about golf called ‘A Good Walk Spoiled.’ If you want to read the weblog it can be found on my website, if you want to read the novel it can be found on my other website, Razzamatazz, at www.razza.fsnet.co.uk along with lots of other things.
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