20th January 2007
Walking to the shops this morning I saw a pink car. Iâ€™ve seen pink cars before that were pink on the outside and cars that were pink on the inside but this car was pink on both the outside and the inside. The seats were bedecked in pink covers, the steering wheel wore a fluffy pink glove, a giant pair of pink dice hung in the windscreen and a pink nodding dog sat stupidly in the back window waiting to nod.
A notice in the window â€˜Babe on Boardâ€™ informed me that the carâ€™s owner was a female, unless there was a man who called himself â€˜Babeâ€™ who owned a totally pink car, which I very much doubted. This was confirmed a moment or two later when a woman aged about twenty five dressed in a pink jump suit walked out of the door of a hairdressers shop and made for the car. In addition to the pink jumpsuit she was wearing pink trainers and a pink ski cap and was clutching a pink bag, which was no doubt filled with pink objects, purse, mobile, vibrator etc.
When she got in the car she virtually disappeared from sight, lost in all the pinkness. All you could see was a face and a pair of hands, seemingly floating in a sea of pink.
Years ago there used to be a company called â€˜The Black Theatre of Pragueâ€™ who appeared on TV regularly, whose act consisted of prancing about against a black background whilst wearing black jumpsuits and white gloves, so that all the viewers could see were pairs of hands seemingly floating about in the ether. This woman was obviously â€˜The Pink Theatre of New Millsâ€™.
Why do women love pink so much? I gave this enigma a coat of thought and came up with the idea that it might be because babies are pink and that all women love babies, so by extension loving pink comes naturally to them. But womenâ€™s tits are pink and all men love womenâ€™s tits and men donâ€™t love pink, so that canâ€™t be the reason.
Why do all women like pink?â€ I asked The Trouble when I got home.
â€œThat grid in the backyard is blocked again, you were supposed to be clearing it and all you can do is wonder why women wear pink?â€ she said, quite unpleasantly, for some reason or other.
â€œAnd Iâ€™ll do that just as soon as Iâ€™ve found out why it is that women like pink,â€ I said. â€œFirst things, first.â€
â€œItâ€™s so that men donâ€™t have to wear it,â€ she said. â€œNow go and clear that gridâ€.
I went and cleared the grid.
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Terry Ravenscroft, 19 Ventura Court, Ollersett Avenue, New Mills, High Peak, SK22 4LL